I Am Superman
My wife and I have different parenting skills and strategies. She is an only child brought up by divorced parents and step parents as a Protestant. I am one of seven brothers and sisters from a very Catholic background and the word divorce was never in my lexicon. She had a lot of individual attention and a strong support network of aunts and grand parents. I had to fight for attention and toys among my siblings and we fought a lot.
As adults, she went the institutional path. A gifted child, she graduated top of her class from high school all the way through graduate school getting a PhD in Education. I hated school from day one and was thoroughly mediocre up until college. There I could take the classes I wanted and I did, never finishing my breadth requirements, always talking my way into whatever class I liked and never finishing my degree.
She went the way she was supposed to, I fast talked my way and tried everything. How we ended up together God only knows but we did and we’re happy.
As for raising kids, she’s read every book and researched every angle on every subject there is; watched T.V. shows like “Supernanny” and whatever expert on cable she could find. I do it from memory and gut instinct. She freaks out every time our kids fight with each other and all I say is, “You ain’t seen nuthin yet sister.” She has no idea what it’s like to have siblings.
One thing we always disagree about is how to treat our children’s night time problems. I don’t see anything wrong with my kids coming to our bed at night if they have a nightmare. I let them climb right in. If they’re scared and call out from their room, I’ll sit at the end of their bed until they fall asleep. Sometimes I’ll stretch out on the floor and spend the rest of the night there. That’s if they’re really scared.
She says I’m screwing up the sleep training. I say no I’m not and why does she care anyway? She’s not losing the sleep-I am. This is the only time in their lives when I’m Superman, a Dragon Slayer and every other supernatural thing a Dad can be. I intend to milk it for everything I can get. Pretty soon I’ll turn into the big Dork that they won’t want to hang around anymore and won’t want to introduce to their friends. I see it all the time all around me out in the real world.
Right now I’m their world. I’m Superman, and I like it.
There are some things it’s very difficult to compromise on. My husband says I should let them cry at night but I always go to them. I have sat in my sons room for hours on end watching him sleep – I like it and he has some kind of sensor so he always knows when I get up to leave!
I know, mine do too. There have been nights when I get zero sleep but I really don’t mind. I’m gonna miss it when they grow old enough not to need me as much.
Hi. I just found you through Twitter, maybe #gno.
Anyway, good job on being a dad! My hubby and I have differences of opinion on parenting too; more and more I see that he is right on a lot of it. He’s more relaxed than I am. I don’t like being an uptight parent and I think I’m doing pretty good at following his lead.
We are both home right now. He lost his job but because we have a baby under one he was able to get parental leave (a form of government Employment Insurance) and we haven’t been left without. However, that EI will run out in the fall and he will have to find something.
We have 5 under 8 years of age.
I found your (interesting!) blog via Twitter too. Anyhow, I wanted to say – Good job! Taking your child into bed with you is not a bad thing! Mainly with a nightmare!
Since my husband is an italian, he is just a bit more protective with our 3-month-old-first-child than I am, BUT much less than his parents and relatives. He’s not over/under educated but just, it’s how the society is around here.
I am a very passive Lutheran, I grew up inventing my own toys, spending most of my time outside playing or cycling and “discovering” and “conquering” my territory…and of course doing that-time-boring-and annoying housework.
So, I just wanted to say that in my opinion – you’re doing great!
ps: have you read any of Tom Hodgkingson’s books? We love them!
Cheers!
Hi, mommydaddy. I just found you through twitter, too, and I really like your writing. I am more like your wife, but I can completely appreciate your willingness to soothe your child and be “SuperMan” while you can. This time when kids are attached can seem irritating and disruptive, but when you step back and realize how quickly this stage passes, only to be replaced by the eye rolls and attitude, it’s easy to grab onto any precious bonding opportunities you’re afforded. Keep up the good work.