I Felt Like Such A Heel

I Felt Like Such A Heel

I’m glad this week is finally over. It was very chaotic, but the capper was that my daughter Rose had to have her Tonsils and Adenoids removed. It happened on Friday at 6:15 AM. We checked into the surgery center with my daughter dressed in pajamas, nightgown and slippers. She was clutching her Madeline doll and looking at everything like it was some kind of great adventure because she was getting so much attention from everyone. She had no idea what she was in store for, and everyone played along telling her how much ice cream she was going to get later; her grand parents bought her a present that she could only open after she got home, etc…

I felt like such a heel. I was about to betray my little girls trust. I knew that it was all for her own good. That didn’t make me feel any better. Some part of my relationship with her was about to change forever.

When she started to get nervous and we had to keep the charade going and calm her down, I really felt like an a-hole. When they wheeled her away into the operating room and we had to stay behind, I remembered when my son Michael was 14 months and had to have his tear ducts opened. They carried him away. When he realized something was happening, he stretched out his arms, over the nurse’s shoulders, reaching for me in vain to come and rescue him. He started to cry, still reaching, as the doors swung shut and I was standing there with my wife, feeling numb, and like a bastard. It all came back.

After Rose was done and came out of anesthesia, she was pretty hysterical. Doped, scared and in pain, she was calling out for us, with a gargling voice, filled with agony. It took a while for her to calm down. My wife and I reassured her that everything was going to be all right. She just cried and whimpered, “I want to go home.”

When we finally did go home, my wife and I gave her our full attention. The grand parents and Aunt Mikie watched the boys for us so that Rose could be taken care of. She’s finally starting to feel a little better and the boys will be home tomorrow. We’ll be working all week to get everything back to normal and ready for the Thanksgiving holiday.

I’ll have something to be really thankful for by then. She’ll be OK.