Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
Passion
When I was younger I did a lot of different things. I could pick up hobbies and get pretty good at them very fast. It used to piss off people I knew. And I just took it for granted. It’s not bragging, I just have many talents. You’d think that it’s a blessing, and it is, but it’s also a curse.
You become a “Jack of all Trades and Master of None.” If something I did became difficult, and it always did, then I casually tossed it aside to pursue something else. My life is littered with half completed projects. Throw in a healthy dose of ADHD and you have a real mess.
I used to wish I had one real love, one real passion, like medicine or science, that I could throw myself into. I’d be much farther along in life. I don’t have a passion.
I don’t have that one thing that I long to do. Yes, when I was younger, I had dreams. Everybody does. My dreams were particularly unrealistic. But I figured, somebody’s gotta do those things so why not me?
I joke with my wife that she’s more of a coach for me than anything else. She really keeps me focused. Or she tries to anyway. God bless her for her patience. She told me a long time ago to develop some kind of passion for something. And if it couldn’t pay the bills, then it would be that one thing I could do for my own enjoyment.
But what is it?
I’ve gone through so many ups and downs in the last several years that I’ve become totally numbed to anything else except raising my kids. I’m sure people in my position have had the same experience. I don’t remember what it was like before. I only remember the short past. What did I do in the past that I enjoyed?
It’s all a blur.
I’m sure that this is the sort of thing that some therapist could spend hours, weeks, and months helping me unravel. I can’t afford the luxury of paying someone to listen to me prattle on. Maybe that’s why I blog? I don’t know.
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January 16th, 2010 at 3:04 am
Wooo hoooo! I got onto your blog!!!! I think blogging is a good way of working through things as long as the person remembers that once published, the words are ‘out there’ forever. Also I think that one thing you do exceptionally well and don’t give yourself credit for is writing. Your personality seems much like mine though, I have many half (or less) finished projects too. I figure no effort is ever wasted and often find myself bleninding two ideas at a later date with unexpected and oten good results. The best thing to do is not to pressure yourself. Your busy raising your children and that is the most important thing ever.
January 16th, 2010 at 7:11 am
Thanks. I’m careful about what I publish, I’m trying to keep this blog pretty lite and about my experiences raising the kids.